Who Am I Without It?

The pain has become like a veil. I can no longer tell that it's separate from me and I wouldn't begin to know who I am without it shrouding me, protecting me, loving me.

I know that sounds ridiculous, but I've been searching all my life & even though I've run across a few people and a few techniques, I've still to unlock the veil that now imprisons me and I'm scared. It's been so long since I've been without it. It has a life now. It has a memory. It nourishes me.

Have you gone down that road too? Jesus! I knew when I came here that all the sentient beings here could choose, that's what they told me. But I didn't realize that in choosing there comes consequences of attraction by MASS! Once you make a mistake, it's like all the ghouls on the fucking planet find you. The scent glands of the carnivorous are truly an amazing creation. They can sniff you out no matter how hard or where you try to hide. They're everywhere!

I met a boy once. We spoke across oceans, but no space was between us. We were so connected & for once … I knew compassion & companionship.

I'm still on this journey. That's a start. Recognizing there is a journey. Next - determining that you are the pilot & if you don't steer it … nobody else is going to step up to the plate. And more importantly, even if they do, you won't like where "they" want to take you. It's never satisfying - like a blanket that only comes to your knees in the middle of a long, cold, deserted night & leaves you cold & lonely & aching for more. More comfort, more love, more security, more ability to protect Your Self from the forces that be. That stirs whenever you come close to the light. Like a dragon that won't let you out of the tower to run through the wildflower fields. It too is lonely. It can't bear to see you rising Your Self up into the higher levels of consciousness. It considers itself being abandoned & will keep you from leaving NO MATTER what!!!

But... come with me for a moment... I want to show you something...

Look really closely...

It doesn't seem like much, but traveling out of ones boundaries shows you that you are never alone. Someone has been down that path. Is willing to share what they've learned & the tricks they used to get free. These things may or may not work for you. Everyone is wired differently & no one solution will ever work for everyone all the time.

I've heard recently that All Time Is Now. All That Is - knows no bounds & is beyond all that defines boundaries. It is All That Is. Pure. Simple.

And we want to make it so much harder than it has to be. Because we don't understand ourselves, we want to make finding the way "out" as difficult as possible, so we can become our own hero's & heroines!! We want to "be" somebody. That's what we've been sold for so long - we now identify with it, we become it - come Hell or High Water!!! We proceed in spite of ourselves.

I've been toying around. It's beyond all reason that our minds can conceive. It's simple. It's so fucking simple. There's no way you will ever believe me from reading this. If you are ready to try something new, maybe break free from the illusion of bondage, come along & have a go at it.

YOU are not now, nor have you ever been, separate from your Creator, your God, your Source. YOU are All Love. All Light. All Joy. All That Is.

There will never be anything Outside of Your Self. Inside is a Vastness so Immense, so Glorious --- waiting --- patiently --- eternally --- for --- YOU --- to come Home. It knows You will succeed and Its assuredness is measured by Its very existence. It speaks to You in the wee hours of the morning, in between the cacophony that is the world as you now believe you know it. In the silent moments, when thought ceases & You realize there was never anything to worry about in the first place.

That All That Is - You has been ever present ever keenly guiding & instructing You on your Journey back. Hah!! Wrong! Back - there is no distance to travel. You - didn't GO anywhere! You've been here all along. All You have to do now is REALIZE it.

Accepting it with your mind isn't going to work. It has to be something that FILLS your every cell with Light & then You come again to KNOW YOUR SELF.

I catch glimpses. Some days more glimpses than other days. And I'll tell you that it is most glorious, most fulfilling. Outside troubles seem so trivial. So little next to the expansiveness that You come to Know is You.

How else were We ever to make it on this planet as humans?! There had to be designed into the very fabric we call Life - the Answer we seek or we wouldn't be seeking.

Now. You Know. Be Well. In-Joy Your Self. Intentionally Create Your World as YOU would like to See It.

Come again often. We Love visiting with You. We anxiously await - with arms wide open - Lovingly Knowing YOU will Return.

- Penny Bush